A lot of people see my cats and want one. Then I tell them that the cats must be bathed. I’ve heard that there are hairless cats that behave in the water. If you want to know how to bathe one of those cats, go here. If you want to know how to bathe a difficult sphynx, you are in the right place. Ideally, this should be done every week.
1. Catch Your Prey
The hairless cat is suspicious and may sense when preparations begin. It is important to trap the kitty in a place where there is no easy exit and nothing to hide under. Like when the kitty is settling in for a nap.
2. Prepare the scene for battle.
Make sure you have your stuff together. Towels, kitty scrubbing device, shampoo, a pitcher (if you use that to rinse the kitty). If your cat is allergic to everything, make sure you have the medicated shampoo that he requires. Otherwise he will turn into a speckled mess.
3. Submerge the kitty.
Neither of you wants to go to this step. But in order to clean the kitty, the kitty must get wet. Expect howling. The kitty may also take the form of a flying squirrel as soon as his feet approach the water. Ease the kitty into the tub. Do not try to take a photo of the kitty if you are doing this alone. The kitty will run away.
4. Find the kitty.
The kitty doesn’t like Step 3. The kitty is going to make a break for it and try to find a place to hide. You are bigger than the kitty. Don’t let the kitty win.
5. Soothe the kitty’s ego.
The kitty escaped because a) he hates baths and b) he is offended that you think he can’t keep himself clean. The kitty will try to prove that he doesn’t need you by beginning to give himself a bath. Tell the kitty that you are fully confident in his skills, but he needs soap because he has no fur.
Scoop up the kitty and put him back in the tub.
Anticipate that the kitty is going to realize that he has to step up his battle plans. The kitty is now going to pee on you while you are standing in the tub trying to put shampoo on him. Do not give the kitty his way. Continue to apply shampoo and know that you will clean all feet involved in a later step. Calculate how much more shampoo you need to get on the kitty before you can get out of the pee. If the kitty starts to pee a second time, calculate how much urine is left in the kitty. (Kitty can’t possibly pee on you three times in one bath, right?)
7. Place the kitty into a holding area.
You have pee on your feet. There is pee in the tub. You need to remedy that. Place the kitty into an enclosed space where the kitty can’t cause problems. If you have a separate shower, I recommend putting the kitty there. The kitty is going to be impressed with the acoustics, and the kitty might try to impress you with kitty opera. Clean out the pee water. Clean off your feet. Plead with the kitty not to pee on you again. Do not mock the kitty while it is soapy. That increases the likelihood of additional pee feet.
8. Rinse the kitty.
Anticipate looks of terror. The kitty will threaten your life with its eyes. Complete this step as quickly as possible to avoid more pee.
9. Dry the kitty.
A wet kitty running around the house doesn’t benefit any party. There will be wet kitty trail and kitty will constantly shake water on everything you own. I recommend having a soft towel waiting for the kitty. If the kitty doesn’t try to kill you, swaddle the kitty.
10. Lie to the kitty.
Tell the kitty how good he was. Pet the kitty and say that you are not mad about the peeing. Continue lying until the kitty responds by purring.