In the 9 years that I’ve been writing here, this blog has changed and morphed with me. There are days when I want to back up the whole thing and shut it down. Lately, those days have been a lot more frequent.
But as I’ve thought about it, I don’t want to take it down. I love this space. I love its history. I love the friends that I’ve made.
What I don’t love is the feeling that I have to do more than write when I want to. That I need to care so much about who is reading, when they are reading and that I have to get a post done or people won’t come back. That I need to do whatever I can to bring in more readers. That I have to self-censor so much because I don’t want to see what will show up in my inbox. (I eat Golden Grahams. I love them. Same for Cool Ranch Doritos. Trust me, there are way more interesting things to judge me for than the crap I occasionally eat. See that? I felt the need to ensure that everyone knows it is only occasionally. But, for the Golden Grahams, occasionally means that there are four boxes in my pantry, so you can figure out what I eat for breakfast these days and it isn’t overnight oats…)
Blogging has changed a lot since 2004. Now, people start blogs solely to make money. I started this blog because I was bored in law school. I wanted a place to talk because I like to talk and I have very random things to share with the world. I also like to type and take silly photos.
This blog also became a place for me to heal. A lot of posts are very painful to read now. I didn’t take care of myself. I had a miserable time finding decent doctors. I had a miserable time getting treated for an array of things. And in the misery, I dug myself into a bad place. I spent a lot of money. But then, I used the blog for accountability and made my financial life completely transparent. I cannot tell you how much I appreciate the emails that I’ve gotten from complete strangers who tell me that my openness about my money struggles helped them in any way. That makes it worth it every time I have a doubt about why I did it.
At the time, blogging worked for me. But then it became work. Ugh, when am I going to get this post up. Oh no, I haven’t posted in two weeks. Crap, I have absolutely nothing to say. Oh my stars, this post has no image and you can never be a successful blogger without images so it is easier if I just include pics of the cats saying sarcastic stuff.
I have different priorities now. I want more time offline. I want to spend time with my family, read books and pet cats. I want to have a healthy pregnancy. [But, Danielle, you cannot do that if you are eating Golden Grahams and sno cones and ... This is the kind of thing that I'm talking about. It's exhausting and if you think people don't do it, oh, they do. They really do.] I want to have a healthy baby boy. I want to enjoy that little boy when he arrives. I want to spend time marveling with my husband and two very curious cats over this new person in our house.
That baby boy is someone who I’ve considered a lot when it comes to this blog. I’ve talked about my pregnancy so far and I’ve been very honest, but that is my story to tell. He deserves to tell his own story. When, and if, he wants to. I have decided that he will not be a regular feature on the blog. Sure, there may be a random story or some photos now and then, but I need to set that boundary. Do not expect tons of pics and updates, etc.
I rarely write about my husband, out of respect for his privacy. If I even mention my stepkids, I let my husband see it first. I have never ever posted a photo of them without him seeing it. And I don’t plan to. I fully understand that documenting your life online is not something that a lot of people are into and I am never going to force someone into the spotlight against their will.
[This is not a judgment of anyone who writes about their kids online. You do whatever is right for you.]
Honestly, I don’t think a lot of what you see, as a reader of this blog, is going to change. In the past couple of years, I’ve rarely stuck to a schedule for posting. I write when I want to talk about something. I don’t do a lot of sponsored content and I don’t think that will change. When I do, I will always disclose.
What’s changing is my mindset toward the blog. It’s here and it’s going to stay. But the idea that is always lingering in the back of my mind that this will be a source of positive cash flow is fading. (I make a little money from ads and affiliate sales, but it doesn’t come close to covering the hosting and other expenses throughout the year. I’m okay with that. But if anyone thinks that this little blog is a money maker, it’s not even close.)
I want to think of this as my place where I come to tell stories and share things. I don’t want it to be an obligation. I want it to be fun again. And just like I decided to be happier, I’m going to make blogging fun again.
(Note: that window was cleaned the day before and the end table dusted. They are here to undo all of my cleaning efforts.)
That’s it. (Like usual, the thoughts don’t have a specific ending or some sort of cool witty wrap up like you see at the end like a Daily Show segment. I’m simply done talking now.)