A couple of months ago, I decided to go off most of my medication to see how it would affect me. Slowly, I weaned off of migraine meds, a non-narcotic pain pill and anti-depressants. It took a while since it really screwed with my sleep, but I did it. I weaned off of everything but thyroid and Ambien. (They are both staying.)
At first, I felt fine. I became very good friends with advil for my fibro pain. And lots of stretching.
A couple of weeks off of the meds, I noticed that I was feeling … off. I couldn’t place the specific feeling. It just wasn’t right. Getting through my days seemed like a huge effort. Basic tasks started to seem insurmountable.
Then came the carrots. We visited Costco that Sunday and we planned to make a yummy slow cooker soup/stew/roast dish with all root veggies. When we do slow cooker stuff like that, we prep the stuff the night before since we both want to get to work first thing.
Since the bag came from Costco and not my beloved Whole Foods, it was huge. There were at least ten lbs. of carrots. As I looked at that bag, I felt this intense feeling of doom. I had a sharp knife in my hand since I had finished the celery moments before. Sweet and kind celery. Evil carrots. The thought briefly crossed my mind that I would rather stab the carrots than chop them up. I was so angry at the fact that there were so many carrots. (Regardless of how many carrots we would need, which wasn’t many.)
Carrots. I was that upset over carrots.
Brian sensed this and he took over the chopping.
Later that night, I told him about the seemingly inexplicable feelings that I had about the carrots. He understood. More importantly, I understood.
With the overwhelming feelings that I had for at least a week, it was time to go back on an anti-d. I felt defeated because I. am. happy. and wanted to be off of meds. If I’m happy, my body should be okay, right?
Nope. It’s chemical. I accept it. I need meds to not feel crazy. And that’s okay.
It took about a week for the meds to kick in again. We made roast this week. There was no carroticide. I felt no overwhelming urge to stab any of the vegetables. Even the rutabagas, which are jerks.
I feel much better now. I’m still off of most of the meds and that feels like a huge accomplishment. However, taking care of my mental health is so much more important than that strange little victory.
Thanks to everyone who listened and helped during that time. Your support means everything to me. Especially my husband, who understood that carrots were my breaking point.