A couple of months ago, I decided to go off most of my medication to see how it would affect me. Slowly, I weaned off of migraine meds, a non-narcotic pain pill and anti-depressants. It took a while since it really screwed with my sleep, but I did it. I weaned off of everything but thyroid and Ambien. (They are both staying.)
At first, I felt fine. I became very good friends with advil for my fibro pain. And lots of stretching.
A couple of weeks off of the meds, I noticed that I was feeling … off. I couldn’t place the specific feeling. It just wasn’t right. Getting through my days seemed like a huge effort. Basic tasks started to seem insurmountable.
Then came the carrots. We visited Costco that Sunday and we planned to make a yummy slow cooker soup/stew/roast dish with all root veggies. When we do slow cooker stuff like that, we prep the stuff the night before since we both want to get to work first thing.
Since the bag came from Costco and not my beloved Whole Foods, it was huge. There were at least ten lbs. of carrots. As I looked at that bag, I felt this intense feeling of doom. I had a sharp knife in my hand since I had finished the celery moments before. Sweet and kind celery. Evil carrots. The thought briefly crossed my mind that I would rather stab the carrots than chop them up. I was so angry at the fact that there were so many carrots. (Regardless of how many carrots we would need, which wasn’t many.)
Carrots. I was that upset over carrots.
Brian sensed this and he took over the chopping.
Later that night, I told him about the seemingly inexplicable feelings that I had about the carrots. He understood. More importantly, I understood.
With the overwhelming feelings that I had for at least a week, it was time to go back on an anti-d. I felt defeated because I. am. happy. and wanted to be off of meds. If I’m happy, my body should be okay, right?
Nope. It’s chemical. I accept it. I need meds to not feel crazy. And that’s okay.
It took about a week for the meds to kick in again. We made roast this week. There was no carroticide. I felt no overwhelming urge to stab any of the vegetables. Even the rutabagas, which are jerks.
I feel much better now. I’m still off of most of the meds and that feels like a huge accomplishment. However, taking care of my mental health is so much more important than that strange little victory.
Thanks to everyone who listened and helped during that time. Your support means everything to me. Especially my husband, who understood that carrots were my breaking point.
After going through something similar a year ago, I know now that I’m on happy pills for life. (And currently needing a second one to supplement the first. Sigh.)
Thank you. I am okay that I need pills. I am quite happy that I need fewer.
Never having had the illnesses you have had to deal with, I can only imagine how tough it must be. Good thing you have good self awareness. And that nice hubby. Next time get the baby carrots bag from the local organic store.
Thank you. Do you think that the baby carrots taste the same? I always think they taste more watery. I need to get over that.
I had no idea what you’ve been going through lately (that makes me a bad friend doesn’t it?) but I’m glad you’re on the right path to feeling better.
Happily, I am off any meds and the better I eat the better I feel, emotionally and physically. Still, I can relate to your feelings. No matter how much we try to be happy sans meds and take more natural approaches to good health, the need for those meds sometimes takes over. Like you said, it’s a chemical thing. Neither one of us can help it.
I know you and I aren’t super close or BFF type of friends but if you ever need to vent I’m just an e-mail away. And I think even you know by now that no matter where I am at I am always checking my messages.
Oh, and thanks for the laugh about rutabagas being jerks. I feel the same way about onions.
Good for you for being able to acknowledge and accept that you needed help and then be able to get that help. That is a huge step towards being healthy!
That is you coming off the meds! I did the same thing. Came off Lexapro too fast and felt the same effects as you did. So I went back on but then tried again. I had to seriously cut down the dose in itty bitty portions (only a 1/4 of a pill down at a time for 2-3 week intervals). It took forever to get off of them. But I am still off after a year now. And when I know I am feeling off, I’ve learned to use biofeedback.
But I know it doesn’t work for everyone. Mental illness is not something to be taken lightly. It runs high in my family. So I know its a day by day thing to make it thru the day sometimes. Am gad you listened to your body.