I’ve always had issues with body image. I’ve written about it many times before. I’m at a point in time where I am finally able to lose weight since my thyroid is functioning and cooperates. But that hasn’t made me lose 60 lbs. overnight. I still have 40 lbs. to go to be around my goal weight.
As I’ve written countless times, exercise is a constant battle because of fibro. I don’t want this blog to become super health-focused again, so I am now writing about my specific health adventures on Tumblr.
The looming issue of my excess weight has been on my mind lately. I’m in a partnership position with FitFluential. I work with some of the biggest names in the fitness industry. To say that these people are fit is an understatement. They are absolutely wonderful, generous people. I adore them. But sometimes, in a low moment, I think that a brand won’t want to see me as a face of the company at an upcoming event. Because in my head I am so far from what the image of fitness looks like.
Because you can’t see my health story. It has to be explained. People don’t know that I’ve lost 40 lbs. since I was at my heaviest from my thyroid. They don’t know that my exercise abilities are so limited because I experience horrific minuscule muscle tears with the slightest over-exertion and it can leave me in pain for days. They don’t know that I’m dealing with other hormone issues.
And, in my position, they shouldn’t care, right. I’m not the poster child for fitness. I don’t claim to be a fitness blogger. I do write about health. I do write about green living. I do write about fibromyalgia. But, for FitFluential, I’m the marketing girl. The blogger relations guru. When it comes to these things, I know my shit and I don’t doubt any of my abilities. I have somehow gotten it into my head that people are going to judge me when they meet me because they expect to see another person who falls into that fitness paradigm.
This isn’t making me do anything extreme. Reading the stories of our ambassadors has definitely inspired me to eat cleaner and try my best to find an exercise routine that will work best for my unstable little muscles. But there are always those moments when you glance in the mirror and you don’t like what you see and you wish you had a magic wand to grant some wishes.
I will keep working. I will lose weight at a pace that is healthy for my body. I will get stronger. Someday, hopefully, I will get comfortable in my own skin.
I can everyone thinks the grass is greener on the other side and no one is ever really completely happy with their own body.
So very true. I can’t think of a time when I was ever happy.
As someone who gained 40-50 lbs from medicine and couldn’t get off bo matter what I tried, I feel your pain. The meds have changed and after A LOT of hard work, the weight is starting to come off but I still have issues with self image.
One of the things I really like about your blogs is your honesty. Lisa is right. We all have body image issues but most people aren’t as open and honest about it as you are. As with your openess about your debt, your honesty about your self image issue will inspire others to reconsider their current mindset.
It is so hard. And it isn’t all of the time. There are just moments.
And thank you. If there is something tugging at me, I assume it is tugging at others. I can’t imagine being anything but honest.
You know I feel your pain. My body image, my incredible insecurity, my paranoia about people thinking of me in a certain way– my inability to realize that the whole world isn’t staring at me because I’m 20lbs heavier than before this menopause thing–that’s a problem I fight every day. I WISH I could be that easy going person that accepts himself along the way. It’s actually WORK for me to be nice to myself and accept that I’m a human being not an airbrushed picture online. It probably doesn’t comfort you to know that you are not alone. Do you know I wish I had a disclaimer floating around me right now LOL so that people would meet me and go, “Oh, she’s just going through menopause that’s why she’s so gross looking”. I’m not lying. #wrongmindsetIknow Work in progress. We all are, in myriad ways.
Love you, ST.
I just wanted to send hugs and high fives your way because I think this is an important discussion to have. Sometimes as a woman, no matter how much we improve, what we do, or how we try and work on our actual health or the way we view our body/health/beauty it never seems to be right- it’s like a mirage, feeling beautiful or having a positive self-image seems just beyond our reach.
Thanks for posting this, it was a really thought provoking read, then again, you always seem to write good stuff!
Thank you so much.
I relate 100%. I hate the way I look right now, but am just not ready mentally to tackle it. I’m getting there!
The mental hurdle is one of the biggest parts of the battle.
Like you, I’ve struggled with my body image for many years. Most days I am okay with my body, but I still have days when I feel like “the fat girl.”
For the more part, I’ve accepted that I will never be a size 2, and I am happy being a size 12, or sometimes 14. lol I also have hypothyroidism, I lost a lot of weight when I first started taking my thyroid meds; I was 18. Now, as long as I take my meds like I should it really doesn’t effect my weight.
So, I guess what I am saying is that it does get better overall, but there will be days when it is a struggle.
Thank you. Some days are better than others. My thyroid has truly made this a roller coaster.
I will share a couple of tricks that will help your mind “talk” more positively about your body, since they need to work together so you can heal.
1. People are how they describe themselves. So describe yourself using the words I see above – I am at a pace that is healthy for my body. I am doing my best to find the healthiest exercise for my body. I know my shit. I have marketing abilities. – Go up above and redo some of your words from the positive perspective. For example, instead of “I don’t doubt my abilities,” which still has “doubt”, write “I am proud of my abilities” or something like that.
2. Fit is NOT the same as skinny. Particularly with your medical issues, you are a case of aiming for health, not skinny. Skinny would not be healthy for you. Think about how the 40 pounds you lost already is helping your health. That is better than focusing on the 40 you still want to lose – doing that only reminds you constantly of what you haven’t done, not what you have done.
3. Any ambassador who judges you doesn’t deserve to be an ambassador. Part of being an ambassador is showing compassion for people. That includes you – so be compassionate to yourself. Trust me, we are all worrying that all the other ambassadors are way more (fill in the blank) hot, fit, cute, young, buff, rich, successful, slim, strong, etc.
4. You are hereby forbidden to say, “I won’t be happy until I lose XXX pounds.” You are required to say, “I am happy because I managed to lose 40 pounds and stay healthy while doing so.”
smooch
This resonates with me, too. Can we take the promise that it gets better and apply it to how we think about ourselves? I certainly hope so. I am working on a post about this same thing . . .
When it comes to struggles with exercise, I can relate. Big time. A bad ankle prevents me from doing much and mild asthma just makes it worse. Some people just don’t understand that for some, losing weight is a monumental feat. Your health issues and muscle troubles are a part of that much like my ankle and asthma is.
I want to lose weight and I need to lose a good 80 pounds before I get to pre-college (the first round of college, not my current one) weight. I need to lose around 120 pounds (ugh!) to get to a truly healthy weight for my height and bone structure. I’m hoping to find a way to do this soon because at almost 31 years old I’m starting to feel the effects of this excess weight. Fatigue, mental health, female issues, you name it. It’s just reached a point where enough is enough.
Thanks for sharing this, Danielle. To be honest, for most of us I don’t think body image ever gets better. At least, it hasn’t for me.