I’ve always had issues with body image. I’ve written about it many times before. I’m at a point in time where I am finally able to lose weight since my thyroid is functioning and cooperates. But that hasn’t made me lose 60 lbs. overnight. I still have 40 lbs. to go to be around my goal weight.
As I’ve written countless times, exercise is a constant battle because of fibro. I don’t want this blog to become super health-focused again, so I am now writing about my specific health adventures on Tumblr.
The looming issue of my excess weight has been on my mind lately. I’m in a partnership position with FitFluential. I work with some of the biggest names in the fitness industry. To say that these people are fit is an understatement. They are absolutely wonderful, generous people. I adore them. But sometimes, in a low moment, I think that a brand won’t want to see me as a face of the company at an upcoming event. Because in my head I am so far from what the image of fitness looks like.
Because you can’t see my health story. It has to be explained. People don’t know that I’ve lost 40 lbs. since I was at my heaviest from my thyroid. They don’t know that my exercise abilities are so limited because I experience horrific minuscule muscle tears with the slightest over-exertion and it can leave me in pain for days. They don’t know that I’m dealing with other hormone issues.
And, in my position, they shouldn’t care, right. I’m not the poster child for fitness. I don’t claim to be a fitness blogger. I do write about health. I do write about green living. I do write about fibromyalgia. But, for FitFluential, I’m the marketing girl. The blogger relations guru. When it comes to these things, I know my shit and I don’t doubt any of my abilities. I have somehow gotten it into my head that people are going to judge me when they meet me because they expect to see another person who falls into that fitness paradigm.
This isn’t making me do anything extreme. Reading the stories of our ambassadors has definitely inspired me to eat cleaner and try my best to find an exercise routine that will work best for my unstable little muscles. But there are always those moments when you glance in the mirror and you don’t like what you see and you wish you had a magic wand to grant some wishes.
I will keep working. I will lose weight at a pace that is healthy for my body. I will get stronger. Someday, hopefully, I will get comfortable in my own skin.