[I met Stef last summer, so this is only the second time it has happened, but I feel certain she will try again next year. Her ritual started at the Stratosphere last year.]
This year, it started with a simple text message when I was in the car on my way to the Grand Canyon. It was an offer to go to Desperado. I accepted because I am a moron and am always much braver in theory than in reality.
When we got to the Dr. Chef’s house, he informed us that the Desperado didn’t open until noon. Since it was far earlier than that, I enthusiastically voted to go on Speed at the Sahara.
This ride was AWESOME. This is almost my favorite kind of roller coaster. It goes super fast in a very short period of time. It goes upside down and is too fast and traumatic to truly allow my fear to reach the appropriate threshold. The whole ride was incredibly quick, but it rocked my world.
After that, we went to the Desperado at Buffalo Bill’s in Primm. Primm is a town in the middle of nowhere and there are casinos and outlets. One of the casinos has the scariest roller coaster on earth. Upon viewing it, I realized that my agreement to ride it was premature. I immediately began formulating how to get out of the situation. It turns out that I couldn’t get out of it and I rode the thing. Let me walk you through how that went.
You start out and you are climbing this insanely large hill. Then, after sixteen years are shaved from your life from the sheer anxiety that the climb will eventually end in your death, you plumet 225 feet and then you are whipped through some more crazy shit. After your heart stops racing, the g.d. thing starts bunny hops. Evil, malicious rabbits of death would be a more appropriate name than bunny hop. When I am hovering above the earth in a little tiny fast moving cart, I like to be firmly attached to the cart with crazy bondage devices. I DO NOT LIKE when my ass comes off the seat and I feel like I am going to fly. NOT COOL. And of course that’s what happened. Shortly after that, it seemed like a great time for the ride to end.
Dear readers, you are smart. You know that’s not what happened. Next thing I know, the devil cart goes inside some faux mountain and we begin the spiral ascent to another near death experience. Finally, after some more crap, we were released.
In another couple of weeks, I will probably say that it was awesome and I will totally do it again.
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